Reading Old Letters

I just recently sat down and went through a pile of letters received during high school. This one particular pile belonged to the hubby. Remarkably, I was able to intercept during a clean out (they were headed straight for the bin) and now I have them sorted and stored in my wardrobe.

It sounds really stupid, but I cannot stand the thought of those letters being tossed. I myself still have all letters received during high school, safely stored at my parents house. I wish I was able to save the emails I received as well.

These letters are almost a journal. Between friends and ex-boyfriends they basically map out 2002-2005. Most memories are completely lost, but reading those letters always reminds me of my time growing up. The drama, the secrets, the confessions. Hating parents and school, sneaking around. Reading some of the letters written to hubby during high school was a bit of a shock. Let me tell you, compared to the girls I knew I was naive and completely innocent. Some of the letters made me feel like a nun. 

I especially love reading the ones I wrote. There are some I had written to hubby, and I am trying to decide whether I ask an ex-boyfriend (whom wrote me novels, and vise-versa) whether I can read any he has kept. They're almost like a diary (some written in code, but I figure it out eventually). Old memories and feelings. It reminds me what I was like when I was 16.

Again, I wish I had some of the emails. It was just catching on in our last years of high school (NOTHING like it is now, let me assure you - the main forms of communication were still telephone, hand written letters and face to face as texting was too expensive and email was unfamiliar). 

One of the girls who I frequently exchanged letters with recently told me she's pregnant. Not a shock, seeing as she's been a Mrs for over a year now and we're in our mid 20s (officially 'late' 20s after this year). For some reason, even though I know plenty of people who have had babies her pregnancy was the most shocking. Our lives were different before, but now she's really grown up.

I still feel like I'm 17 to a degree. I think because I still feel like I'm in limbo a bit. I am yet to feel completely settled. I never felt like I belonged in Sydney, so I sort of feel like I still have to be somewhere else before I grow up entirely. I know I won't be a designer forever - I can safely say I will end up teaching, most likely high school. I still feel like I'm in between somewhere I was and need to be.