I bought the wood (Tasmanian Oak from Bunnings), measured it, cut it, nailed it (haha), stained it and screwed feet to it. I haven't made something tangible in a very long time. I can't believe it actually came together. Those are kabab sticks holding the knives, and there is 2400 of them. Given, it's the most expensive knife holder I have ever had (I think it would have cost roughly $60-$70 to make) but I made it and it's mine.

So straight and solid you could set your watch to it. This must be what a builder feels like. 

I wrote this post 3 weeks before I found out that my mum's older brother was going through absolute hell with a brain tumour, which was squishing his brain. He didn't answer my emails because he was going mad, and my cousin must have thought I was a lunatic asking for family information while his dad was so sick. Three weeks later he was dead and we were in the UK. Although to be truthful we didn't know each other - my mum had no idea.

Still researching family history though. 

I always liked the idea of having a big family. I don't know why, but I just do. We had a small immediate family. 5 people. Mum, dad, my siblings and I. My dad's family lived 15 hours away, and because we saw them every other Christmas we weren't really part of the clan. My mum and her family fell out when I was about 8 or 9. 

I think it's the feeling of belonging somewhere. I don't necessarily believe that your family have to be blood relatives, but the thought of belonging to a group of people seems to be a nice concept. 

I started tracing my mum's family history because I knew it was really important to her. I think she feels the same about 'belonging' to someone. I think she secretly hates the fact that she no longer has 3 children close by. She had no history, and I wanted to find it for her.

I did okay, but there is more I need to do. I've found enough to make it interesting, and enough to make it frustrating when I can't find something.

I think the part that I thought wouldn't worry me, but has was not getting responses from people I have contacted. My mum's father who left when she was 3 seemed over the moon to meet her for the first time a couple of years ago. I am yet to get a response. Also, my mum's older brother who broke away and worked his guts out to prove he was better than the family who raised him (drunk, voilent, poor). No response from him either. Nor his 17yo son, who I found on Facebook and send a message. 

If I were to start taking drugs, namely narcotics I would probably go downhill really fast. One minute I'm normal and then BAM! - I'm in the toilet block of the service station trying to score.

I know this because whenever I take Codeine for pain, I feel delicious. Bring on the opiates! That's how it's supposed to work, I understand. But I understand how people want to hold onto that, and really get sucked in.

It's probably not very PC to say that. But everyone else is in love with alcohol, which is a drug. And it can be very dangerous. And I don't recall there being a huge problem regarding those who've taken a couple of painkillers

Thank god I have an absolute fear of injecting anything into any part of my body. 

I have to stop writing draft posts and just put them up. It looks like I haven't been here for a while, but I have evidence that shows otherwise. This weekend I went down to visit my brother and some family in Victoria - Saturday was spent in Melbourne looking like a photographer and overnight and Sunday we both spent in Ballarat with extended family on my dad's side.

Because I am really falling behind on my current affairs, I had no idea that the 'Occupy Wall Street' support protest was on and so it was a nice surprise to find that we could almost spend an entire day photographing protesters. I found the whole event extremely interesting.

There was a mixture of people there, ranging from old hippies to uni students to various action groups. At the beginning, they seemed to all be supporting the Wall Street protest. They were talking of action against the greed and the corruption of the big banks, directors and politics. But as the day wore on, it became a protest against Max Brenner (the chocolate man, an Israeli food chain) for the fact the company support for the Golani reconnaissance platoon (part of the Israel Defense Forces). I have a sneaking suspicion these guys turned up when the rest decided that they'd done for the day. Anyways, it started a march to the local Max Brenner cafe which became heavily protected by police. Unfortunately, no ultra cool violent protest photos however.

The thing that got me however (during the first protest) was that there was a huge portion of people there who were protesting against capitalist groups and big corporations who had one or a combination of:
1. iPhone
2. Ray Bans
3. Samsung/Apple tablets
4. iMacs
5. Jeans ranging from $150 - $300
6. Hats and sneakers ranging from $70 - $300

I couldn't take them seriously. There were so aggressive with their stand against these corporations but were quite happy to casually forget the ones that they took a particular liking to. And the ones that smoked - I was itching to ask them if they'd ever heard of British American Tobacco.

The sad thing was, the ones who didn't follow all the market bullshit, who were barefoot and smelly, smoking pot and walking around in body paint could have become people who do make a huge difference in the world - lawyers, councilmen, doctors if they had just funneled the energy in the right way. But they didn't, and now no one listens to them.

Protests are always interesting. 99% of them are professional protesters and will do it for the hell of it. Daniel mentioned we should re-create the Pen and Teller episode and carry out a partition to ban "Dihydrogen monoxide", or "DHMO".  DHMO is WATER. H2O. 

Anyways, took some photos and come home. Thinking of finding a protest that's been organised properly and going out to shoot. The ones below are the best ones I could find. 

This post was written a long time ago. In blog land anyways. About speaking your mind vs being rude. I thought I would dig it out and post it, because there has been a lot in the news about King Kyle from TodayFM, and his views on 'freedom of speech'.

_______________________________________

Yesterday, Steve Jobs passed away. I heard the news from someone I was working with, who'd seen it online. A quick Google search confirmed the statement to be true and correct.

Since the 80s, Steve Jobs became a significant person in personal technology. He, along with his company managed to completely revolutionize how we connect with people and how we connect with ourselves. He was without a doubt, one of the main driving forces behind in how the world functions today.

Of course, whenever someone well known dies there are mass memorials held all over the globe. I think a lot of people connected with Steve, and I do not doubt that some would very well be grieving, even if they did not know him personally. Right behind those people however, seem to be the trolls. Ready and waiting.

I have a lot of friends who claim they are honest and speak their mind. This is a somewhat admirable quality and I believe it does good things, but I have discovered a couple who I would probably re-label as rude. 

What is the difference between speaking your mind and rudeness? Imagine a girl is trying on dresses and asks the age old question does this make me look fat? For arguments sake, the answer would be yes.

Someone who is not honest, would of course answer no. They would insist the dress looks fine. 

Someone who speaks their mind and is honest, would reply with something alone the lines of, I don't think it's as flattering as dress X, or you thought outfit B looked better. They've stated their opinion, truthfully without attacking the person or their feelings about the particular subject. 

Someone who's rude would probably reply with something along the lines of Yes, you look fat/ass looks huge/that looks awful on you. Whether it was said with intended malice, it was thoughtless and has left the person without help. 

I believe there is a time and place for speaking your mind, and to what degree you do. Although I don't think you should tip toe around everyone and keep everyone happy (which is impossible) I think a little compassion and being tactful goes a long way.

A friend of mine, who I tend to get on quite well with has made it no secret that he does not like Steve Jobs, or the company Apple. Yesterday he posted on one of his social media accounts something a lot of people found extremely distasteful which was in response to the death of Steve. This was done under the umbrella 'speaking his mind'. 

1. Cancel my monthly Amnesty International donation and split it between RSPCA and WWF (the Wildlife foundation, not the wrestling foundation).
2. Donate blood (woo, represent rare blood groups!)
3. Sign up to the bone marrow register (woo, represent the only autoimmune disease that can register!)

I read about this last night. Is this a 'thing'? Everything is a 'thing' nowadays, so I'm not sure whether I accept it as a real condition or write it off as pseudoscience. I think someone coined the term because most functioning adults can raise their hand and claim they suffer from Impostor Syndrome. It just makes sense to give it a name, because it's so common.

Of course, I am like many functioning adults and as of last night I joined the ranks. More or less, it was a sudden realisation accompanied with an internal, "Oh my god. Oh my god. Is this a thing? Do I have impostor syndrome?"

It came at an excellent time too. I was sitting at my dining table, trying to chunk through a stack of work due this week and I was thinking to myself that it was all bad. The designs were boring, the websites were pretty standard and the shortcuts I was taking were mounting. One thing you should know about me - I do not like any of my work. None of it. At all. Ever.

It makes it very difficult if someone sends any sort of praise my way. It is absolutely certain that one day, I'm going to actually reply and let them know I think it's awful and that they're just being kind (because secretly, deep down, I'm pretty sure they hate it too). The solution is not however, to keep working until I'm satisfied. I tried. It doesn't happen. It leads to weeks and weeks of re-designs, new ideas, more re-designs and me hating everything about the project or job. 

The biggest complex is when you try really hard at something random. And someone gives you a compliment and you accept it, internally and externally. You sit smugly thinking you're the shit, and it pretty much boosts your ego for a whole week and a half. 

So when you reflect on the on 99% of the time you feel like an impostor, you pretty much come to the conclusion you didn't try hard enough (because when you try hard, invest your time you feel competent). 

I think I'm not emotionally invested in my design work anymore. Which is a good thing. If I took everything to heart I wouldn't survive. I pluck ideas out of my skull and someone knocks it back I don't worry. I've seen designers have melt downs over criticism and it kills them. But I think that's why I feel like an impostor. I don't love design. I just function on the tricks and techniques you learn which gets me through 99.9% of clients.

What a messed up way to think.

Because I didn't want to fill up the page with this post, there is a read more tag...