I have been so tired lately because my TSH level has been up quite considerably. A 'normal' TSH lab result is between (roughly) 1 - 4.5, depending on the lab. My 'normal' range, meaning I can get out of the bed in the morning is anywhere between 0.1 and 1.5. At the moment it's 2.33 and I feel like a zombie. I need to increase my T4 dose to level it out.
I just recently sat down and went through a pile of letters received during high school. This one particular pile belonged to the hubby. Remarkably, I was able to intercept during a clean out (they were headed straight for the bin) and now I have them sorted and stored in my wardrobe.
It sounds really stupid, but I cannot stand the thought of those letters being tossed. I myself still have all letters received during high school, safely stored at my parents house. I wish I was able to save the emails I received as well.
These letters are almost a journal. Between friends and ex-boyfriends they basically map out 2002-2005. Most memories are completely lost, but reading those letters always reminds me of my time growing up. The drama, the secrets, the confessions. Hating parents and school, sneaking around. Reading some of the letters written to hubby during high school was a bit of a shock. Let me tell you, compared to the girls I knew I was naive and completely innocent. Some of the letters made me feel like a nun.
I especially love reading the ones I wrote. There are some I had written to hubby, and I am trying to decide whether I ask an ex-boyfriend (whom wrote me novels, and vise-versa) whether I can read any he has kept. They're almost like a diary (some written in code, but I figure it out eventually). Old memories and feelings. It reminds me what I was like when I was 16.
Again, I wish I had some of the emails. It was just catching on in our last years of high school (NOTHING like it is now, let me assure you - the main forms of communication were still telephone, hand written letters and face to face as texting was too expensive and email was unfamiliar).
One of the girls who I frequently exchanged letters with recently told me she's pregnant. Not a shock, seeing as she's been a Mrs for over a year now and we're in our mid 20s (officially 'late' 20s after this year). For some reason, even though I know plenty of people who have had babies her pregnancy was the most shocking. Our lives were different before, but now she's really grown up.
I still feel like I'm 17 to a degree. I think because I still feel like I'm in limbo a bit. I am yet to feel completely settled. I never felt like I belonged in Sydney, so I sort of feel like I still have to be somewhere else before I grow up entirely. I know I won't be a designer forever - I can safely say I will end up teaching, most likely high school. I still feel like I'm in between somewhere I was and need to be.
I am watching a documentary about the children who were affected by the tsunami in Japan last year - one year ago today. It's quite interesting. The kids being interviewed are quite cottoned on to the situation, even the young ones. One mother mentions that her young daughter keeps asking her if she will be able to have children, or how many children she will be able to have (they were near the power plant).
A single father measures the radiation outside before he lets his daughter out to play. Usually no longer than 30 minutes at a time. He purchased a radiation detector from the Ukraine. A poor woman found her daughter's body as it floated back to land from the ocean after the authorities scaled back a search for missing children. Now all the kids say they want jobs saving people from disasters. Scientists, inventors, experts in radiation, earthquakes and tsunami.
I am really torn between the outsourcing vs keeping work in Australia argument. I hear about it a lot as my industry is split between the two (especially with the introduction of crowd sourcing) and have been thinking about it quite a lot over the past couple of days.
At the moment, I am organising to have a client's eCommerce website moved from one host and domain to another. The technical skill is beyond my level and so I have someone else doing the work for me. The job has ended up being quite long and arduous, as the previous developer who originally did the website (the previous company owner I now have) seems to have put the website together in a fashion that makes it impossible for anyone to go in and make necessary changes, especially structural.
I felt bad, because what should have been a simple job is not. Unfortunately it isn't the client's problem (even though this guy manages to be a real dick in general) and problems have technically arisen due to the previous staff of the same company be had the website built by. I have managed to remove all design and admin chargers (ie. anything I do) and only charge him for the development work (ie. what I need to pay someone to do, so I'm not paying for it out of my own pocket with cold, hard cash).
Two problems. First, the job is one that basically ensures that most of the time spent is troubleshooting and sifting through templates and code. So the poor girl who's doing it for me cannot give me an end date. Other than driving the client wild with rage that I can't give him a black and white answer on a completion date it makes problem two a very expensive one. At $100 per hour development time, I am left hoping that I am strong enough to deliver a bill that would send most into an early grave.
So far, we're two weeks into this thing.
So, in between the client reminding me how late I am, how he's suffering and so forth, he's also putting pressure on me to complete another website for him basically straight afterwards. So I decided I'd have someone else do it.
Now, this person is a local and someone I have worked with before. But I'm paying the rate I charge, so I'm only better off time wise. It got me thinking about sending it elsewhere - India, Bangladesh - offloading the work, leaving me with admin and customer service, and reducing the actual development rate to a) allow much more room for problems or to offer something more and ensure I receive payment for my time. Part of me thinks this is wonderful. This is how millions of people made business work, by focusing on one part and having other people do the rest.
The other half of me thinks I'm evil, because it boils down to:
I think I need to find a middle point. Outsource some work, and find a balance with pricing structure. I need to build the business so it's paying me a wage, and of course I don't want to work my guts out every single day. I want to be able to choose not to work. I feel really bad for considering it, but then again no one will look after me in the long run. I have to do it myself.
This is what I eat for breakfast. Usually it's a bit more, but I'm on portion control for a couple of weeks before a friend's wedding. I set the microwave on fire this morning cooking sweet potato. I have never, ever done that before. We got a new microwave a while back and I think I am still getting used to the awesome cooking power it contains. It scared the hell out of me. I haven't had such an adrenaline rush in a long time.
Here is 14g protein (chicken breast), 18g carbs (tomato and carrot) and 3g fat (avocado). Fits on a bread and butter plate.