A little bit of a dilemma...

I'm trying to do the good thing, but I also want to do the sensible thing but at the moment I'm sitting on the fence (oh, Libra!).
I have been working with my full time employer for three and a half years. In the last 12 months I have felt that I have become stagnant in the position, that is I have not learnt anything new or been given any new opportunity to grow within the role. I feel like this is the culture of the office, that is most staff working there are still working in a similar position to what they started in, with the exception of management (which seem to be given the opportunity to adopt new areas of the business - a small management team of 7 to 12 office staff, which gives you an indication on where the opportunity is going to go). 

This means, in short that I am looking to moving on and finding a new position with a new employer. 

This has been compounded in the past six months as I have felt that requests to have my role grow and change into something more significant have been ignored. Well, not ignored - during my review I was given the impression that they were happy for me to keep working the position I was in, and that they did not want me to try something new. Some requests I had were met with what I call white-wash answers "sure, that sounds good", or "that's something we can look into" with no indication when things would be "looked into". And I have discovered, prodding doesn't help. Asking to look into something we'd spoken about gives you one of two answers - "we've decided management will take care of it" or "sure, when we're not busy, we'll look into it."


So, this is a pretty good case to move on. Writing it down now makes me think that I have to. They don't seem to be doing me any favours. But, now the tricky part.

I work within a team of 4 people, me being the 4th person for this argument. Person (1) went on maternity leave in May last year, who was replaced with Person (2). I was considering leaving at this time, but convinced myself it would be poor form (and) I was aware my manager would have nailed me to the wall. She had massive issues with me taking unpaid leave to attend study. This is not because she thinks I am invaluable. It was made clear in my review that we are not invaluable unfortunately. It's just easier for her to have someone that just does the job with no hassles (which makes sense, but she'd rather someone who was a poor fit than find someone who fit the role better). 

In September last year, I reconsidered resigning. I was ready to - I had a letter written and everything. I had it all planned out until Person (3) announced that they were pregnant and would be going on maternity leave in March this year. Again, plans put on hold, which I think was really silly now. It would have been easier to go then than later on.

Now, we are about to introduce Person (5) as Person (3) leaves in March, followed by the return of Person (1) in June. It's all over the place. Now, my dilemma.

I want to go now. I want to actively start finding somewhere else, because I feel if I stay, I may get too comfortable. I've been waiting for a good time for 12 months. Person (3) has been there for over 12 years and has said many times, "don't get comfortable here. They like to keep you where you are and not change, move up or do anything different. You'll begin to defend their choice to do this, and you'll lose confidence in your abilities because they'll convince you you're not worth better." This was one of the reasons she decided to have a baby. She wanted to do what she wanted to do, not what work wanted her to do or be who they wanted her to be. 

It's bad timing, I know. But the past 12 months has been bad timing. I can hear it now, how selfish I'm being and not doing the right thing by the company. But I keep asking them to throw me a bone, but they don't seem to hear me. It will never be good timing. So do I just jump in and go? I guess I can say, that the two who decided to have a baby didn't prep work on their plans, but lived their own lives. Why is it up to me to make sure everything runs smoothly? Considering I was told, "Sorry, wages don't reflect how much we need you - we're told the minimum wage is X, and that is what you'll earn" and "we [management] like to be in control of everything, allowing others to take charge might not work, so we would like to continue running as we always have been."


I think I have decided really, but I think I need to prep myself for the backlash. The very, very upset manager who will see this as a personal attack, like a "HA! I'm going to make your life hard just because I can." 

It's actually come about because a) I am restless and unhappy, b) I know I am worth so much more, and am capable of so much more and c) there's a job I really want to apply for, which suits me so much better, in all ways.

It will be an interesting few weeks, no doubt about it.